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User blog:Dabomb217/Compassion
Yesterday, I came on the RP fear chat just wanting to watch everybody enjoying themselves, more or less as a spectator. All I had wanted to do was to watch. And when Dawn called me Nick, I felt like I might as well speak my mind, be completely honest with the chat, and take the guilt from Sunday off my chest before I was whisked away on a fresh batch of ban muffins. But I never was. Dawn made sure she let me know I had done the right thing. She said I could stay as long as I behaved myself, not to mention the fact that she forgave me for not letting her go as quickly as I should have. All the anger and all that angst, for that one moment, was gone. She put her ass on the line for me, because I know the others weren't happy with letting me stay. Her kindness was something I hadn't expected and it really made a difference. Thats all I'd wanted to hear for a long time. Even though I have been told I can remain here as long as I behave, and I am honored, it would be selfish of me to stay right now. Lets face it, everybody needs a break.. myself included: because too much of a good thing is a bad thing and thats part of the reason I feel things went wrong. I will return, but I think its fair to live and let live as I take a break from this place and make it easier on you all. It simply seems wrong to jump right back in because I know that it is a burden on a lot of people here. I refuse to continue to a pain in the ass. So in a few days I'm taking a hiatus: a break for an undefined amount of time. When I return I understand that, from the majority of you here, trust will not be regained on a whim. It will have to be earned. I accept that. I also understand a clean slate for me will never come from a lot of you. Things can't change overnight nor can scars heal upon request. Regardless, I want to show all of you over time that this is the new me.. and that the Composer started out as an RP character to promote my ARG that eventually spiraled out of control when RP left the original chat. Starting off with noble character and the best intentions despite his association with Slender Man, Composer became a parasite that began to slowly ate away at me inside while needing fear to remain in control of people. Though I wasn't always guilty, I was at fault for a good portion of shit that went down. And even after I revealed My true name, I still struggled with an identity crisis in figuring out what was me and what was Composer. I want to be even better person than I was starting out. I still have a lot to learn, and I have a long way to go. Thank you all for giving me the chance to stay. Dawn, I can't express what that meant to me last night. Thank you for giving my the strength to destroy what remained of the Composer --Dabomb217 (talk) 13:10, August 23, 2013 (UTC) Category:Blog posts